


Who Will Fix Me Now?

by OohYayChicken



Series: WAAEOWNTFIL [2]
Category: Bring Me The Horizon, You Me At Six
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Cutting, Eating Disorders, M/M, Manipulation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Harm, he also has embarrassing friends, new and improved, oli's pretty much a bum, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-03-25 22:18:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 14,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3827023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OohYayChicken/pseuds/OohYayChicken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Title from Bring Me The Horizon's "Drown"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Oli’s point of view:  
  
“Oli, are you sure you don’t wanna go to college to get a good job?” Mom asks me from where she stands at the kitchen sink, drying off the last of the day’s dishes. “Your father and I would love to keep you bummed here, but we’re not gonna live forever. You’ll be on your own one day.”  
  
“No,” is all I say as I push the leafy material around on my plate. I barely survived four years of high school alive, there’s no way in fucking  _hell_  I’m going to college for god knows how many more years. I’m done with school life, so fucking done with it.  
  
“Alright,” she answers as she tosses the cloth onto the countertop before leaving to the living room to watch reality TV or talk shows like she usually does these days. When I’m sure she can’t see, I take my plate to the trash and rake my food into it before washing it myself. Since I’m being allowed to stay here for as long as I like, I decided that I’d take it upon myself to do whatever I can around the house (especially since I’m too damn lazy to go get a job while I’m at it, even if it’s just working at MDs).  
  
“Oli, I’m going to the store, okay?” Mom calls as I hear keys jingling on a chain.  
  
“Alright!” I call back as I hear the door open. “Love you!”  
  
“Love you too!” she calls back as I hear the door close and I’m engulfed by loneliness. Usually it’s just me and Mom at home these days. Dad got promoted so all he usually does is wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, go to sleep, repeat. What’s worse than that though is that something’s gotten into Tom and he’s been extremely disrespectful so he was sent to live with our strict as fuck aunt and uncle. Tom still calls whenever he can, but that’s not too often. I’m still getting used to not having my baby brother there for me to cry to whenever I’ve hit rock bottom or just simply not having him around me at all.  
  
Hey, at least I can still contact him. I don’t really get to talk to Alex and Jack at all since they’re really busy with college (they’re the only friends of mine that went to college, actually). They promised and swore up and down that they’d call on my birthday and come visit on Christmas and Thanksgiving, but that’s just about the only times we’re really gonna talk though, unfortunately. I wouldn’t be surprised if our friendship broke after that long, but at the same time, I’d be really surprised. I mean, I’ve been friends with them for a long time.  
  
I guess I’ll be okay if they’re not here either though. I still have Tanner and Xavier and Josh and Rachelle, after all. I guess you could say Elissa and Bradley too, but not that much. The only time I talk to them is when Josh brings me over to their house, which has only happened around maybe three times since we broke up a while back.  
  
Speaking of Elissa and Bradley, they adopted a one year old named Vanessa or something along those lines. I’ve only met her once, the last time I went to Elissa’s and Bradley’s shortly after graduating. So, maybe about last month then? Yeah, that sounds about right. She’s like, one, so of course she’s gonna be obnoxious as fuck. When I first met her when I was at the graduation party Elissa threw for Josh, all she did was cry and cry and cry and bloody hell, I never hated a kid so much. But towards the end, she got better. Still annoying, but better. But why does my opinion matter? It’ll probably be a while until the next time I meet her. She probably won’t even remember me anyways. I'm nothing important or memorable.  
  
I flinch and swear under my breath when my phone alerts me of a new text and I check it out.  
  
It’s my mom asking me if I want anything. I reply with a simple no. Then I decide to tell her that I love her. I don't know, I've been telling her that a lot more lately. Maybe it's because she's putting up with my shit and letting me stay here with her when she can kick me out right now. I'm eighteen now, after all.  
  
After pocketing my phone, I get up to go upstairs and retrieve my notebook I write all my lyrics in. I bring it downstairs and allow myself to get comfortable on the couch again before retrieving a pen from the couch cushion.  
  
No, that’s not weird in the slightest. Not at all.  
  
I open my notebook to a random page, only to quickly flip away from it. It was one of the songs I wrote with Josh and I’d like to avoid reading it for now. You see, I’m not exactly over him and what he’s done to me yet.  
  
I feel my eyes well up with tears and I wipe them away before they can fall.  
  
 _Oli, you’re a grown ass man! Grow some balls!_  
  
I keep turning the pages until I get to a blank one and start to write an idea I got.  
  
‘ _I’m scared to get close and I hate being alone  
I long for the feeling to not feel at all  
The higher I get, the lower I’ll sink  
I can’t drown my demons, they know how to swim’_  
  
I read over what I just wrote, proud. You know, I think I know what I can add this too…  
  
I flip the page to something I wrote a small while ago and read that before quickly flipping back to my most recent writing, reading them together.  
  
I like it.  
  
I write them together and finish the song, giving it the name  _Can You Feel My Heart?_  
  
I flinch again when the door suddenly bursts open. I look up from my notebook when Mom walks in, struggling to carry several bags into the kitchen at once.  
  
“Need any help, Mom?” I ask, but she shakes her head like she usually does when I offer help with groceries.  
  
“I saw your friend at the store,” she says under her breath. That’s how I know it’s one of my friends she’s not fond of, so it narrows it down a bit.  
  
“Rachelle, Josh, or Tanner?”  
  
“Josh.”  
  
Small world.  
  
“Oh, okay.”  
  
She said nothing else as she went outside to get more groceries from the car, coming back into the kitchen moments later to unpack all the groceries. I ask her if she needed any help again, but she, surprise surprise, declines again. Then she suggests that I go outside for a bit, since I haven’t really been out very often. I shrug and put my notebook away, grabbing my phone instead incase something were to happen. You just never know. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

On my way out of the house, I call out to my mom, “Bye, I love you!” to Mom and she returns it just before I leave. I decide to walk to the nearest park, which wasn’t too far away. A couple blocks down from my own house, I notice that one of the homes that has been for sale for quite some time finally had a moving truck parked in the driveway, a couple working on moving furniture in and out of the house. I heard them exchanging words, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying, since it whatever they said was in some foreign language. I shrugged and kept it moving, eventually getting to the park.  
  
I wasn’t the only one at the park, there was another kid swinging on a swing at one end of the set. I moved to the swing at the opposite end and just sit there on it. I could feel him watching me the entire time, but I avoided looking at him. Maybe he would stop if he knew that I wasn’t gonna react to him.  
  
After a minute, I see him get up from the corner of my eye and walk over. He sits on the swing next to mine and starts to swing slightly, still looking towards me, only getting the same reaction.  
  
"I'm Sushi," he suddenly tells me out of nowhere, taking me by surprise. He has an accent, not anything I can recognize though. I look to him and raise an eyebrow at his random statement.  
  
"You're  _what_?"  
  
"My name's Sabastian, but I go by Sushi," he clears up for me, and I smile sheepishly and apologetically. I’m so fucking stupid, I should’ve known.  
  
"Oh, sorry. I'm Oliver, but I go by Oli," I reply politely, making him smile a cute little smile.  
  
"From England, right?" Sushi asks me, noticing my own accent.  
  
"Mhm. What about you?"  
  
"Germany."  
  
I nod, not knowing what else to say. We kinda sit in an awkward silence after that. He kicks at the molch under his feet for a while before replying.  
  
"How old are you?"  
  
"Eighteen."  
  
"Seventeen."  
  
"Cool."  
  
And guess what follows? Another silence. But this time, he breaks it by telling me that he forgot how to get to his house with an awkward laugh. It was kinda pitiful, but cute all the same to me. I nod and ask him where he lived since I know the area well. He reads something off the back of his hand to me, his address. His address turned out to be the house with the moving truck parked in its driveway.  
  
"You new to America?" I ask as I stand, him doing the same. I look down at him, noticing how short he is. He smiles and shakes his head.  
  
"I've lived here for a couple years, actually. I just moved towns," he tells me. “This one is closer to my mom’s job.”  
  
"Oh, alrighty then," I tell him as I lead him to his own home. We talked a bit more, him bringing up Suicide Silence at some point.  
  
I'm pretty sure that's how we became friends, actually. Well, _if_  we’re friends.  
  
We eventually stopped in front of his house and I notice that his parents were still moving things in. He turns to me.  
  
"Wanna exchange numbers?" Sushi asks me hopefully. I shrug and give him my phone, he gives me his. We add our numbers to each other's phones before switching again. He smiles sheepishly at me, “Talk to you later?”  
  
I nod just as his parents notice him home, they call for him when they do, most likely in German. He tells me bye before going over to see what they want and ends up bringing things into the house too. While he does that, I walk two blocks to my own home.  
  
Mom was almost done unpacking the groceries by the time I got home. I sit at the kitchen table as she does.  
  
“Remember that house a couple blocks down?” I ask her, watching her ball up all the gray plastic bags before stuffing them into the container, putting it in its place in the cabinet.  
  
“Yeah. Someone finally move in?”  
  
‘Yup. I met some kid in the park,” I tell her. She looks to me and smirks slightly.  
  
“Oh, you’re blushing!” she teases. “You like him, don’t you?”  
  
I scowl and cover my cheeks childishly with my hands, “No, I just think he’s really cute. I mean, I don’t even know if he’s even into dudes or not.”  
  
“Whatever, tell me about him then!” she says excitedly as she sits in the seat across from me, just like she did when I told her about Josh for the first time. I roll my eyes playfully at her and shrug.  
  
“I don’t know much about him, just that he’s seventeen, goes by Sushi, really short, from Germany, and likes Suicide Silence. I might text him later today or tomorrow or something.”  
  
She smiles at me as she gets up, “Oh, alright then. I’m going to bed, goodnight, Oli.”  
  
“Night.”  
  
I get up myself and follow her up the stairs, turning into my bedroom and getting comfortable on my bed. I pull out my phone and check the time. 9:12pm. Would it be weird if I texted Sushi now? I mean, I don’t even know if he’s trying to go to bed or not, and I literally  _just_  walked him home. I roll my eyes at myself and set my phone on the end table. Just do it sometime tomorrow, he’s hopefully not going anywhere.  
  
I roll onto my side and close my eyes, trying to fall asleep too. I’m almost asleep when my phone vibrates, alerting me of a text. I groan and yank my phone back over to me.  
  
 **Sushi: Bad timing or no?**  
  
I chuckle slightly. Looks like I had that argument with myself, what, half an hour ago for nothing. I quickly tap in a reply saying that he was fine and send it. I lay there and stare at the screen as I wait for him to reply. After a while, I see the cloud thing with three flashing dots pop up, quickly followed by a message from him.  
  
 **Sushi: Good! Cuz I’m done unpacking now and want someone to talk to :P  
  
me: Alright :) Well, what do you wanna talk about then?  
  
Sushi: Idk ;-; you suggest something  
  
me: 20 questions?  
  
Sushi: Cool! But I don’t know how to play. Isn’t it where one person asks the question, the other person answers, and the person who asked answers it too?  
  
me: Idk… Let’s just do it that way :)  
  
Sushi: Who goes?  
  
me: You go.  
  
Sushi: Alright. I’m awkward at this kinda stuff so give me some time.**  
  
It’s not until at least five minutes later until he texts me again,  
  
 **Sushi: Are you in a band?  
  
me: No  
  
Sushi: Me and some friends are thinking about forming a band, you know, next time we all get to see each other again. Most of them are still in Germany.  
  
me: Oh, that’d be pretty cool. What kind of band would it be?  
  
Sushi: Eh, metalcore, I guess  
  
me: If I were to form a band, it’d be deathcore or metalcore.  
  
Sushi: How many friends do you have?**  
  
Well...I don’t even know how many I have, and that’s what I tell him. Then he tells me that he has five in Germany and two here in America, me being one of them. The thought of him considering me to be one of his friends made me really happy, you have no fucking idea.  
  
Before I can start typing again, he sends me another message,  
  
 **Sushi: My mom told me to go to bed, gosh >:( So, I’ll talk to you tomorrow?**  
  
me: If you want to :)  
  
Sushi: I do. Good night!  
  
me: Night.  
  
I turn my phone off and put it back in it’s spot and close my eyes again, waiting for sleep to take me. It does after a while.


	3. Chapter 3

When I wake up, it’s because my phone loudly and obnoxiously alerted me of a text. I attempt to rub the sleep from my eyes as I grab my phone to see who texted me at what time.

  
Xavier texted me at fucking three in the morning.

  
I groan as I unlock my phone, bringing me to Xavier’s message.

  
**Xavier: SON**

  
“What the fuck, god damn it,” I whine sleepily as I type my reply and send it.

  
**me: Ugh what.  
**

****  
Xavier: I feel like shit and you’re my favorite son. Meet me at the park pls  


**  
me: Okay, hang on, I’ll see you in a few**

  
When he doesn’t reply, I pull myself out of bed and head straight to the park. I’m too fucking tired to make myself look presentable, and anyways, no one’s gonna see me except for Xavier. He’s lucky he’s literally my best friend at the moment or I would’ve stayed my ass in bed and try to go back to sleep.

  
Well, I probably would’ve gotten up even if he wasn’t. Just to make sure he’s okay.

  
I’m sitting on one of the swings at the park before I know it, at the same swing I was on just the day before. Xavier arrives soon after and sits at the swing next to mine without a word.

  
  
He’s definitely not okay right now.

  
We sit in silence for a while as he begins to swing on his swing a little. I opt to kick at the mulch by my feet, groaning when some of the chunks of wood somehow find their way into my shoe.

  
“You okay?” Xavier asks me when he hears the groan.

  
“I should be asking you that right now,” I tell him instead. He sighs as he stops swinging and starts spinning instead, twisting the chains together.

  
“I feel like shit,” he tells me again. He continues to twist the chains until his feet barely touch the ground. He lifts his feet off the ground completely, causing the chains to untwist at a fast speed. He desperately clings to the chains with wide eyes as he almost falls off the swing when it’s done untwisting, and I start to wonder for a second why I’m even friends with this dork.

  
“Why?”

  
“Because I  _am_  shit.”

  
“ _The_  shit.”

  
“The shit _tiest_.”

  
“Xavier, why do you think you're shit?"

  
"I don't think I'm ready to talk about it yet," he mumbles as he starts to swing a bit.

 

"Then why do you have me at the park in the middle of the night?"

  
"Because I  _really_  need a friend with me right now and you're the first person who came to mind."

  
I don't say anything as I use the toe of my shoes to draw a smiley in the mulch, only to knock the mulch over the picture again when I'm done. I'm starting on a heart when Xavier

speaks up again.  
  


"I'm sorry."  
  


I furrow my brows and look up at my friend, who's awkwardly toeing at the mulch himself, "For what?"

  
"Wasting your time."

  
"You're not. Would I be here if you were?"

  
"I guess not..."

  
"I love you, Xavier. You're my best friend. I'd fucking sit with you and do nothing but watch paint dry if it would make you feel better," I reassure him. He only nods though, so I know he doesn't believe me. I sigh as I stand, Xavier's head snaps up and he makes eye contact with me.

  
"You're leaving?" he worriedly asks, not even bothering to mask his disappointment as he stares up at me with begging eyes. I shake my head.

  
"I'm taking you to my house. It's late and I'm tired, but I don't trust you alone right now."

  
He nods as he gets up, "Can I have a hug?"

  
I nod and smile as I hold my arms open for him, and he throws himself into my embrace, burying his face into my neck.

  
"Thank you for being here for me," he chokes, then I feel something wet on my skin. He tightens his hold on me as he lets out a small cry, tightening his grip with every cry that comes after.

  
I don't know how long he cried into my shoulder, but he eventually calms down and pulls away, wiping his messy face with the sleeves of his hoodie before faking a smile.

  
"Alright, son! Lead the way!"

  
<><><>

  
I'm not able to fall asleep again when we get home so I binge watch a random anime on my iPad while Xavier sleeps wildly. I guess you could say that him sleeping wildly would be an understatement, considering the fact that he somehow managed to get himself curled up on my stomach. I'm not really complaining since I can lean my iPad against his head and have my hands under my head comfortably.

  
Xavier doesn't wake up until around seven in the morning, who gets off of my stomach, so I have to use my hands to hold onto the device that was previously being held up by his head. He rests his head on my shoulder to see what I'm watching, and I kindly give my best friend an earbud so he can hear too.

  
"What show is this?" he asks groggily after a minute.

  
"Uh... I think it's called Serial Experiments Lain."

  
"What's it about?"

  
"I honestly have no idea but I kinda like it."

  
He doesn't say anything else as he continues to watch it. Some hours later, we're finishing the show.

  
"I guess that one was okay," he tells me and I remind him that he missed like half of the show since he was asleep. Then I ask him if he has to go home, and he says no, he wants to watch another show with me.

 

"Okay. Anything in particular you want to watch?" I ask him. He thinks about it, then nods.

  
"Have you seen Blue Exorcist yet? I heard it was good."

  
I shake my head and type it in the search bar, clicking on it when it pops up.

  
<><><>

  
We watch about half of the show until Xavier decides he wants to get up and move around for a bit but doesn't want me to watch any more of Blue Exorcist without him. I follow him into the kitchen, where he makes himself a bowl of Cheerios and allows himself to get comfortable on the counter.

  
“You’re the best son ever,” he smiles as he digs into his cereal happily. I smile at him as I lean against the counter next to him, waiting for him to finish up.

  
“Thanks, Dad,” I play along, making him laugh. He looks to me and adoringly smiles at me.

  
“Y’know, I’d totally date you if I wasn’t straight.”

  
I blush and avert my eyes at that.

  
“I’m kidding! That’s incest!” Xavier laughs at us. “Oh, man, I’m funny, right?”

  
“Sure, Xavier.”

  
Xavier scoops up a spoonful of cereal and brings it to his lips, but starts cracking up again and spills his spoonful all over his lap, and I can’t help but laugh at him. He sets his cereal aside once he calms himself down and hops down off the counter. “Can we go to my house? I kinda need new jeans.”

  
“Yeah, that’s fine.”

  
“We should go to the mall! Wanna go to the mall with me?”

  
I raise an eyebrow at his sudden urge to go out to the mall but agree anyway. I quickly go upstairs and change into my usual outfit: black skinny jeans, any pair of vans, and my black Slipknot hoodie. I grab my phone before heading downstairs again, where Xavier waits by the front door for me to return. He looks confused about something when he sees me but doesn’t say anything as he leads me to his house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long :( I'll have the next chapter up soon though, probably within the next few days :) I might add a new character to the story again, I don't know if it's gonna be one of my characters or not though. most likely not. but if I do add a new character, they'll come in next chapter :) idk xD  
> Thank you, guys <3


	4. Chapter 4

After stopping at Xavier’s house and allowing him to change into some cleaner clothes, he calls one of his friends to give us a ride to the mall. His friend was very intimidating and I felt awkward during the ride to the mall, but thankfully, the mall wasn’t  _too_  far from Xavier’s house.  
  
“So, what store do you wanna go to?” Xavier asks as we enter the mall, which was more crowded than usual.  
  
“I don’t care. I don’t have my money anyways,” I tell him with a shrug.  
  
He only smiles and shrugs himself, “I can pay for you and if you want to.”  
  
“You sure?”  
  
“Of course I’m sure!”  
  
“Well, then in that case, I don’t really care where we go, as long as we go to the vans store and Hot Topic before we leave.”  
  
“Uh, I think the vans store is closer, so we’ll go there first?”  
  
I nod. He smiles again and we walk to my favorite shoe store and thankfully, there’s not too many people inside. As soon as we step inside, Xavier leaves my side to look at the shoes on display along the walls of the room. I look around myself, stopping to look at a pair of gray and white vans.  
  
“OLI! TRY THESE ON!” Xavier shouts from the other side of the store, shocking everyone into silence. I tense up as I feel multiple pairs of eyes on me.  
  
 _Jesus fucking Christ, Xavier…_  
  
Xavier is by my side in a second, thrusting a pair of shoes in my face. I take the shoe from him, noticing the floral design on it. He grabs me by my hoodie and guides me to one of the seats provided to shoppers here and forces me onto it.  
  
“Did you really have to cause a scene over a pair of shoes?” I mumble shamefully as I untie my vans and set them on the floor by my feet.  
  
“I love pastel designs!” Xavier chirps happily, ignoring my question. I can’t help but smile anyway as I pull the vans onto my feet. I kinda liked the shoes though, not that I’d actually tell anyone though.  
  
“I’m pretty sure these might be for girls,” I tell him.  
  
“But they look good on you!”  
  
“They’re not my style.”  
  
“Oh. I’ll get them for myself,” he says as I start taking them off. “Did you see anything you wanna buy in here?”  
  
“Uh…” I start to contemplate whether or not I want the shoes I was inspecting before. I decide to pass on the shoes. “No, no.”  
  
“Okay. I’m gonna buy these shoes and I’m gonna rock them so hard and everyone’s gonna be like ‘ _ooh, look at that bae! He looks so hot in those shoes! Yaaaas!_ ’”  
  
I laugh and shake my head as I hand the floral shoes to Xavier, who takes them away to buy them. I pull my own vans on and wait for Xavier outside the store. Minutes later, he prances out with his new shoes on his feet, the shoes he was wearing before in the shoe box in a bag.  
  
“Hot Topic next?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
<><><>  
  
“Woah, this place is really cool!” Xavier breathes, looking around like a kid in a candy store. “Why haven’t I come here before?”  
  
“Good question. Maybe you should reevaluate your life,” I joke before checking out the long sleeved shirts. Xavier follows me and stands by my side.  
  
“That’s no way to talk to your father, young man!” Xavier jokes, and I playfully roll my eyes.  
  
“Sorry, Dad,” I play along as I grab a long sleeved Linkin Park shirt that’s my size. I hold it up to myself and turn to Xavier, who frowns at the shirt.  
  
“What’s Linkin Park?”  
  
“Oh my fucking god, how do you not know? I listen to them all the time.”  
  
“Oh, really?”  
  
“Really.”  
  
“Oh. Well it’s a nice shirt, by the way,” he smiles as he looks through the shirts, pulling out a shirt that advertised a band I didn’t recognize. The letters on the logo were so deformed that I couldn’t even make out what it said.  
  
“What band is that?”  
  
“Uh… I don’t know…”  
  
“Oh…”  
  
“I’m not buying it, I listen to the bands on my shirts, I just like the image on it,” he laughs as he gives the shirt one last glance before putting it back on the rack.  
  
<><><>  
  
After picking out a few shirts with longer sleeves, Xavier pays for our stuff and leads me out of the store. He's excitedly bragging about how one of the girls was "totally checking him out" in his new shoes, but really, she was raising a concerned eyebrow at a strange outburst of his. I don't tell him that though.  
  
"What store are we going to next?" I ask him.  
  
"Well... I'm kinda out of money now..." Xavier laughs awkwardly, scratching the back of his head.  
  
"That's alright. Thanks for paying for me, I'll pay you back."  
  
He only giggles at me, and I give him a questioning look.  
  
"Oli, you don't have a job and you live with your mom!"  
  
I roll my eyes at him and start to lead him towards the exit, not having a comeback to defend myself this time.  
  
<><><>  
  
"Hey, is that Tanner?!" Xavier asks excitedly, pointing down the hall we're in.  
  
"Stop pointing," I lecture as I follow his gaze, finding Xavier leaning against the wall, tapping away at his phone. "And yes, it is."  
  
Xavier smiles brightly and calls our friend's name, gaining his attention. Tanner notices the two of us and starts approaching. He greets the two of us when he does.  
  
"Tanner, do you like my new shoes?" Xavier asks happily, motioning towards his pastel floral shoes. Tanner's eyes widen, and what he does doesn't even surprise me.  
  
" _WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOSE?!_ " he shouts loudly, pointing at Xavier's shoes. Some of the other shoppers nearby laugh and I can feel my face heat up with embarrassment.  
  
"My fucking awesome shoes!" Xavier playfully retorts, placing his hands on his hips.  
  
"They're fug, man!"  
  
"You're just mad because you're not rocking these babies like me!"  
  
"Lol no."  
  
"That's it! I want a divorce!!" This outburst was rather loud and dramatic and gathered a small audience. This didn't seem to bother my idiotic friends at all. In fact, it just encouraged them to carry out their little act.  
  
"You can't leave me!! What about the kids?!"  
  
"I'm taking them, and our favorite son!" Xavier yells as he grabs onto my arm. I'm literally red from embarrassment and want to cry, but crying will make this even more embarrassing, so I drop my head to hide my face with my hair with a mumbled “I swear to God…”  
  
"No!!" Tanner shouts, faking a sob as Xavier starts to guide me to the exit again. "I thought what we had was SPECIAL!!"  
  
Tanner fakes the ugliest sobs I've ever heard as we walk through the doors. Xavier starts to laugh as we both sit down at a bench.  
  
"That was great! You looked so uncomfortable so it was more believable," Xavier giggles, and Tanner walks out. He laughs a bit and walks over to us.  
  
"You guys are so fucking embarrassing," I whine, then turn to Xavier. "You embarrassed me  _three times._ "  
  
Xavier mocks offense, holding his hand over his heart. Tanner just smirks, digging his car keys out of his pocket.  
  
"So, you guys wanna come over? I'm babysitting Celeste's cousin again," Tanner offers, and Xavier gasps excitedly.  
  
" _Squishy?!_ "  
  
I raise an eyebrow, not knowing what the fuck's going on or what’s squishy (I’m not sure I even want to know) as Tanner nods, causing Xavier to nod eagerly. Tanner starts heading towards his car that isn't parked too far away and Xavier drags me along.  
  
Tanner gets into the drivers seat and Xavier calls dibs on shotgun so I'm left alone in the back of the car after putting all the bags in the trunk. Tanner says that Celeste is on her way to drop off Squishy, who I now know is apparently a person. I vaguely remember hearing the name Celeste from somewhere a few times but I'm not too sure who this Celeste person is. I ask my friends, and they tell me that she went to our school and that she was friends with both Tanner and Rachelle.  
  
Speaking of Rachelle, I haven't talked to her in a while...  
  
I pull my phone out of my pocket and go to her contact, sending her a simple text,  
  
 **me: Hey**  
  
I lean back in my seat and wait for her reply, enjoying the ride to our friend's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I remember telling you all that there was gonna be a new character in this chapter. It's the kid, Squishy... I had him in this story for a reason, but I fucking forgot what I was gonna do with him by the time I finished this chapter ;-; I'll come up with something if I don't remember :)  
> The next chapter will be up very soon, I'm almost done with it :)  
> Thank you guys, I love you <3


	5. Chapter 5

"Are you ready to meet you little brother?" Xavier turns in his seat and asks me as Tanner pulls up in his driveway. I smile and shrug before getting out of the car after them and follow them to the house.

 

"Isn't this your first time coming over?" Xavier asks me as Tanner twists the key in the lock.

 

"No, this is my second."

 

"Oh."

  
Tanner gets the door unlocked and holds it open for us. I follow Xavier into the house and sit on the couch next to him. Tanner calls out to someone named Kayden but gets no reply. Tanner shrugs and plops down onto the couch next to me, kicking his shoes off and propping his feet up on the table.

  
I flinch as I feel something vibrate against my stomach before pulling my phone out of my pocket, smiling a bit when I see that Rachelle finally replied to my text.

  
**Rachelle: hey oli wyd  
**

  
**me: I'm at Tanner's house. We just got back from the mall. What about you?**

  
**Rachelle: w josh**

  
**me: Oh nice. Well, Tanner needs me to help him do something**

  
**Rachelle: yea i will txt u when he leaves**

  
**me: Yeah okay, that's fine**

  
**Rachelle: awesome bye**

**  
me: Bye**

  
I shove my phone back into my pocket and notice Xavier looking at me from the corner of my eye. I look at him and he gives me a concerned look.

  
"Still not over Josh then?" he asks me. He was reading our conversation, then. I'm not even surprised.

  
"No," I don't even bother lying about it. He offers a sympathetic smile and leans his head on my shoulder as an awkward side hug.

  
"Do you want me to beat him up for you?"

  
"No. You can't really fight anyways."

  
Xavier giggles a bit at that, making me smile. Just then, the doorbell rings and Xavier jumps up, shouting about Squishy, Tanner calmly following to answer the door, leaving me awkwardly sitting alone on the couch. I hear Xavier chirping about how much he missed his squishy son and I hear Tanner and a somewhat familiar feminine voice exchange a few words before the door closes. Xavier steps in front of me, holding onto a younger boy's hand.

  
"Squishy, this is your big brother, Grand Master Syko!" Xavier chirps excitedly. I wave at the young boy, who shyly waves back. Xavier tells him to talk to me before disappearing into the kitchen, Tanner going in after him to supervise, leaving me and the boy alone.

  
"My real name is Kayden," he tells me.

  
"My real name is Oliver, but I go by Oli."

  
He nods and doesn't say anything else. I decide to take it upon myself to keep the conversation going so it isn't too awkward.

  
"How old are you? I'm eighteen."

  
"I turned nine last month."

  
"Oh. Happy late birthday!"

  
He finally looks up at me and offers a toothy smile, "Thanks!"

  
I nod and smile back at him, then we're left in silence. It isn't awkward this time, and he doesn't look so shy anymore either.

  
We both flinch when we hear a series of crashes from the kitchen, followed by a loud curse from Xavier, which is followed by a "That's what you get for being a fucking savage!" from Tanner. I know the two of them enough to figure that Xavier wanted something that was up high so he climbed up onto the counter to get it but slipped and fell off the counter and to the floor, bringing a few food items down with him. I roll my eyes and laugh quietly at the mental image.

  
"They're freakin' weird. I swear to God I hate them both sometimes," Kayden laughs with a fond smile.

  
"I feel that. Gotta love them though," I agree, and he nods with another giggle.

  
Tanner tells Xavier to clean the mess he made as he enters the living room, sitting on the couch next to Kayden.

  
"Are you guys bored?" he asks us.

  
"Yeah, kinda," I answer.

  
"What, I'm too boring for you then?" Kayden jokes as if we didn't meet only minutes ago. I smile and shake my head at his question.

  
"So... All I have are a few games on my iPad," he starts to raise his voice a bit, "since  _someone_  spilled fucking Kool-Aid on my Xbox!"

  
"Don't swear in front of our baby son!" Xavier calls back from the kitchen. Tanner rolls his eyes before looking to us expectantly.

  
"So, you guys want the iPad?"

  
I shrug and Kayden nods, so Tanner gets up and disappears upstairs.

  
Xavier walks in as Tanner is jogging down the stairs, iPad in hand. Xavier's eyes light up when he sees the device.

  
"Ooh! What are we playing?" Xavier asks as he reaches for it, but Tanner holds it above his head. Tanner's a good bit taller than Xavier, much to his despair.

  
"I'm letting Oli and Kayden pick," Tanner tells him as he places the iPad in my hands since I'm closer, but I just pass it along to Kayden. "Did you clean your mess?"

  
"Yeah."

  
"Okay."

  
They sit back down on the couch, Tanner next to Kayden and Xavier next to me as Kayden opens a game called Uno.

  
"Yay! This is the best one Tanner has!" Xavier chirps in my ear and I wince at the abrupt noise. Xavier notices and apologizes.

  
"Who's playing?" Kayden asks. Tanner and Xavier say that they'll play but I decide not too. Xavier asks if we can switch seats so it'll be easier so we switch.

  
<><><>

  
The three boys get bored on the iPad after a while and Tanner decides that he'd feed us since it was around six in the afternoon. Xavier makes it very known that he wants pizza so Tanner quickly orders a pizza on his laptop.

  
"Oli, you're a vegetarian, right?" Tanner asks me as he decides on the toppings.

  
"No, I'm a vegan."

  
"There's a difference?"

  
"Vegetarians don't eat animals. Additionally, vegans also try to avoid any other animal product."

  
"So... Doesn't that mean you can't eat pizza then?"

  
"I'm not eating anything."

  
"We can get you something else, Oli."

  
"No, thank you. I'm not hungry."

  
Tanner nods and places the order but Xavier throws me the same look he threw me earlier this morning before we left my house.


	6. Chapter 6

“I think I’m gonna go on a walk real quick,” Xavier announces as he stands up before turning to me. “Oli, can you come with me so I’m not alone?”

I nod as I get up and follow Xavier out of the house, closing the goddamn door behind myself.  As we step onto the sidewalk, Xavier speaks up.

“Oli,” he starts seriously, scaring me a bit.  This isn’t like Xavier at all, he’s never serious about anything. “You didn’t eat anything at all today, but you say you’re not hungry… I’m worried, Oli.”

The color drains from my face and I’m overwhelmed with dread at the news of being caught.  I was with him literally all day, of course he’s gonna notice that I’ve eaten nothing.  I risk a glance at Xavier and my anxiety-riddled eyes meet his sad, concerned ones.  The look in his eyes make me feel guilty as I avert my gaze to my van-clad feet.  

“Is there something you want to tell me?” he then asks me.  I’m already caught, there’s no need to lie about it, and anyways, I’m close enough to Xavier to trust him with anything at this point.

“I’m just trying to lose some weight.”

“Tell me why?”

“I wasn’t good enough for Josh so he left me for someone else,” I admit. “He only likes skinny people so he left me.”

Xavier stops walking and pulls me into his chest, resting his chin on my head.  I wrap my arms around the taller kid, returning the hug.

“You’re a lovely person who doesn’t deserve all of this. I really love you, son,” he whispers, soothingly rubbing circles into my back, and I relax more in his arms.

“Rachelle told me that Josh would like me better if I was skinny like her,” I confess.

“So you’re trying to look good for Josh?” Xavier concludes, and I nod. “You know what I think? I think that you’re a god compared to Rachelle and Josh combined.”

“Thanks,” I whisper back as I start to blush.

“Always. I’m here for you, okay?”

“Okay.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so as i stated on tumblr, my chapters will most likely be shorter from now on. it's easier for me to be able to update for you guys more often bc i had a goal of 1000+ words for each chapter and i think that's one of the things that made me struggle to update at a reasonable time.


	7. Chapter 7

I stayed at Tanner’s place for an hour longer after the talk between Xavier and I.  Tanner was kind enough to drive me home since his house isn’t exactly walking distance from mine.  I would’ve walked anyways but it’s dark out now and there’s no way I’m walking home alone in the dark.

 

Tanner doesn’t drive away until I get my door unlocked and I’m safely inside.  I grab my phone from my pocket and power it on again to see the time, 9:13pm.  Mom shouldn’t be asleep just yet, so I make my way upstairs to my mother’s room.  I knock on the door a couple times and she calls me in.

 

“Hey,” she greets me from her position on the bed as I enter the room.  I return the greeting as I plop down next to her. “Where were you today?”

 

“I went to the mall with Xavier,” I answer, purposefully leaving out the fact that we went to Tanner’s house afterwards.  She doesn’t really like Tanner too much because she says he’s rude and stuck-up.  He’s really not though, he just gave off a bad first impression when he came over for the first time.

 

“That’s good, honey. You really don’t get out of the house much,” she smiles at me before rolling over and turning her lamp off. “I think I’ll go to bed early tonight. Night.”

 

“Night, Mom,” I say before getting up and going back to my room.  I pull my sweater over my head and toss it somewhere random before grabbing the first shirt I get to, not caring if it’s dirty or not.  

 

My phone starts ringing in my back pocket as I kick my shoes off.  I smile from excitement, knowing that it’s either Jack, Alex, or Tom, since everyone else just texts me instead.  

 

I grab my phone from my pocket and look to the caller ID: Tom.  I hit the answer button and put it between my ear and my shoulder so I can finish getting dressed.

 

“Hey, Tom!” I chirp happily. “It’s been a while.”

 

“It’s only been a couple months,” Tom answers, but still sounds as happy as I am.

 

“Exactly, it’s been a while.”

 

“I guess so. Everything going alright over there?” Tom asks as I finish dressing into comfier clothing, sliding into bed for the night.

 

“Yeah, Xavier took me to the mall today and humiliated me. How’s Aunt Kelly and Uncle Zaire?”

 

Tom groans into the phone. ”Unfortunately, they’re doing okay.”

 

“Awe, they can’t be that bad,” I tease.  I don’t even have to see my younger brother to know he’s rolling his eyes right now.

 

“They are. They still discipline with switches, Oli. You remember how much that shit hurt.”

 

When Tom and I were smaller and they were still living in the area, they would send us outside to pick a thin stick when we were misbehaving.  They’d use the stick to spank us with it and it was one of the worst things in the world.

 

“Oh, yeah. I remember that,” I say, and I feel my bottom start to sting from the memories.  

 

“Mhm. Everyday, dude,” Tom sighs.  Before I can reply, I faintly hear Aunt Kelly shout at him from the other end to “take his ass to bed” because they have church tomorrow.  We say our goodbyes before he hangs up.  I start to get sad again as I lock the screen and lay the device on my nightstand.  I miss Tom already, but he can’t talk very often.  I have no idea when we’ll be able to talk next, and that really depresses me.  

 

And with that, I slowly drift off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My mom actually did spank me and my sister with switches and it was really devastating xD


	8. Chapter 8

_A cherry sunset blossoms_  
_But we’re not here to watch it fall_  
_On the vacant canvas, we should be waiting_  
_with our faces d_

  
I flinch when my phone unexpectedly chimes, making me draw a deep, dark line across what I just wrote. I curse at myself for being a little bitch as I toss my notebook away and instead reaching for my phone, opening the message.

  
**Sushi: So I kinda forgot to text you yesterday sorry  
**

  
**me: It’s okay, I was hanging out with a few friends**

  
**Sushi: Okay because I felt bad**

  
**me: No it’s okay**

  
**Sushi: Okay. Can we face time?**

**  
me: Sure**

  
Then a few seconds later, my phone starts ringing, alerting me of a FaceTime call. I answer the phone, aiming the camera up at the ceiling.

  
“Oli, why am I looking at a fan?” Sushi asks after his face appears on the screen.

  
“I don’t know,” I lie with a shrug, even though he can’t see.

  
“You’re weird. That’s a good thing, though.”

  
“I do my best.”

  
“I start school in a few weeks, what’s it like?” Sushi asks.

  
“Uh… Just don’t piss anyone off… and there’s this spot outside where a few jocks like to sit, I think near the track?”

  
Sushi raises his eyebrows slightly at that, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “What if I sit there anyway?”

  
“They’ll ask you to leave and they’ll kick your ass if you don’t move,” I explain, remembering the time Josh stood up to those ugly ass jocks, which made me, Jack, and Alex suffer as well.

  
“I’ll fight those bitches back!” Sushi laughs, and I laugh at him a little.

  
“But you’re so small!”

  
“I’m actually pretty big,” Sushi jokes with a wink. I feel my face heat up at the innuendo and I’m so fucking glad I don’t have my face on the camera.

  
“Not that you’d ever know, anyways,” he adds, as if he somehow read my thoughts. “I’m straight.”

  
“Oh, okay,” I laugh, ignoring the slight disappointment I felt.

  
_You don’t like him, Oli, you’re just lonely._

  
“Yeah, so what’re you doing?” Sushi asks, and I shrug, again.

  
“Nothing, just sitting around,” I tell him. “What’re  _you_  doing?”

  
“I’m playing with my guinea pig,” he says happily, pointing the camera down at the fluffy rodent crawling around on his lap. “His name’s Muffin Purper-Gurk.”

  
I bite back a laugh at the rodent’s name. I blame Xavier.

  
“Cute,” I tell him as he aims the camera back to his smiling face.

  
“Thanks.”

  
I hum in reply, leaving us in a comfortable silence, not knowing what to talk about anymore. After a few minutes of quietly sitting here, he says bye and hangs up. I lock the screen and put the phone back on the nightstand before retrieving my pen and notebook, going back to the page I was on before Sushi texted me. I frown at the thick line going through the words and sigh. I don’t remember what I was writing anymore…

  
I just cross it out and set it aside again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lyrics from the beginning are from Bring Me The Horizon's "Who Want's Flowers When You're Dead? Nobody"


	9. Chapter 9

<><><>yay- or nay- time skip to a few weeks later<><><>

  
**Sushi: I HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW I’M NOT READY FOR THIS**

  
I roll my eyes at the text I just opened, laughing a little to myself. I remember how I used to dread the first day of school, but I never have to worry about it again since I graduated. Sushi, on the other hand, has one year left, plus some more if he decides to go to college after graduating this year.

  
**me: Good luck, little one  
**

  
**Sushi: Thanks .-. Can you take me to school tomorrow?**

  
**me: No**

  
**Sushi: Please**

  
**me: No**

  
**Sushi: I’ll give you a dollar**

  
**me: It’s walking distance, you’ll be alright**

  
**Sushi: I don’t wanna go alone, please walk me to school tomorrow**

  
**me: I’m a grown ass man, I don’t ever want to go back to that school again**

  
**Sushi: I’ll give you five dollars**

  
**me: Okay I’ll see you tomorrow**

**  
Sushi: Yas!!**

  
<><><>

  
The next morning, I wake up early again to take my stupid ass friend to school since he can’t walk a few minutes alone. He’s lucky he’s my friend and I love him because I’d rather still be in my warm bed sleeping in just like everyone else. At least I’m getting five dollars, I guess. I haven’t gotten paid since I helped Elissa and Bradley with their house.

  
Weird people. Haven’t seen them in a bit, either.

  
Haven’t talked to Josh in a while either. Might text him a quick hello.

  
“Nah, I’ll pass,” I mumble to myself as I pull a beanie onto my head so I don’t have to do anything to my hair. I hang around in my room, messing with random things sitting around as if I’ve never seen them before until Sushi sends me a text to let me know he’ll be ready soon. I decide to go ahead and leave now and put on some shoes before leaving the house, not bothering to change out of my sweatpants and large sweater.

  
In less than a couple minutes, I approach my younger friend’s home and wait on his porch. He steps out around a minute later with a sigh.

  
“Fucking ready for school,” he says sarcastically, pulling a five out of his pocket. I stare at it for a moment before shaking my head with a small smile.

  
“Keep it, I don’t need it,” I tell him as we step off his property, heading down to his school.

  
“Okay,” he says as he shoves it back into his pocket. I hope I don’t regret turning that dollar down later. “Thanks though.”

  
“Mhm, you’re welcome. Are you gonna ask me to walk you home too?”

  
“No,” he smiles. “I’m hoping to make another friend or two and we’ll walk together.”

  
“How do you know they’ll live the same direction as us?” I tease with a small grin.

  
“Shut up, Oliver.”

  
“You shut up, Sebastian.”

  
“Make me, Oliver.”

  
“Y’know, it’s not too late for me to turn around and go back home and to my bed, right?”

  
“Alright, chill, I was just kidding,” Sushi rolls his eyes playfully. “What time does the first class start?”

  
“At like, uh…” I trail off, furrowing my brows as I try to remember. “I think 8:20?”

  
“That’s in fifteen minutes,” Sushi says as we finally step on school property, something I told myself I never had to do again back in June. “What do I do for fifteen minutes?”

  
I shrug. “I don’t know, stand outside your classroom, try to make friends now?”

  
He opens his mouth to say something, until someone shouting my name cuts him off.

  
“OLI!!”

  
I turn around to see Rachelle jogging over. I smile and wave shyly at her. She gives me a hug when she approaches, and it’s awkward. Her hugs always feel kinda weird.

  
“I thought you graduated last year?” she asks when she pulls away.

  
“I did, my friend wanted me to walk him to school,” I tell her, waving towards Sushi, who was basically drooling over her.

  
“I’m Sushi,” he introduces himself with a flirty smile.

  
“ _She has a boyfriend_ ,” I mouth, feeling my stomach drop when I remember that her boyfriend left me for her because I was never good enough.

  
But his smile doesn’t falter as he only shrugs, shooting me that ‘so what?’ look.

  
He’s gonna try something. This boy is gonna fucking try something, I just know it.

  
“I’m Rachelle,” she introduces herself with a smile similar to Sushi’s.

  
She’s gonna go along with Sushi’s shenanigans. This girl is gonna fucking go along with his shenanigans, I just know it.

  
Should I tell Josh?

  
_No, dumbass. What if she doesn’t even do anything with him? You’ll look stupid as fuck and you’ll probably lose two friends._

  
True.

  
“Are you new here?” Rachelle asks him, and he nods. Rachelle then offers to show him around the school and introduce him to her friends and he agrees before they both wave goodbye to me.

  
So I go home.


	10. Chapter 10

When I enter my home again, I’m greeted by the smell of breakfast cooking in the kitchen and my mother singing softly to herself. My stomach churns again at the thought of having to eat food.

  
I quickly, but quietly, creep upstairs to my room, hoping not to catch her attention. I’m thinking that maybe I can come up with an excuse to not eat food today…

  
Maybe I can tell her I’m not feeling too well..? I kick my shoes off and nudge them so that they’re against the wall and out of the way. Maybe I can tell her that I already ate? I pull my sweater over my head and drop them on top of my shoes so I can just worry about it later. Maybe I can tell her that I don’t really care for pancakes? I grab a random shirt I find sitting around my messy room and decide that it’s clean enough to wear again before putting it on. Maybe I can just get in bed and go to sleep and hope she doesn’t try to wake me? I slip into bed and decide that it’s the perfect escape route.

  
<><><>

  
“Son.”

  
There’s a shove to my shoulder, but I swat the unwanted touch away and pull the blankets up over my head.

  
“ _Son._ ”

  
They shove me again, but with a little more force this time, and I grunt at them and wave them off.

  
“Get out of bed, son.”

  
“Ugh,” I groan, tightening the blankets around me. Then the blanket’s ripped away from my body and carelessly thrown to the other side of the room, leaving me to just curl up into a fetal position.

  
“I’ll sit on you if you don’t get up!”

  
I then finally open my eyes at the threat to meet Xavier’s gaze, who sat at the edge of my bed.

  
“How the fuck did you even get in here?” I ask him as I sit up in bed and moving so that I’m seated next to my tall friend.

  
“Your mom let me in,” he says with a shrug, looking around at the mess in my room. “How did your room get so messy so fast?”

  
I can only shrug sheepishly before we’re left in a moment of silence, until he speaks up again.

  
“How’s your day been?”

  
“Well, I walked Sushi to school this morning-”

  
“Who’s Sushi?”

  
“It would be nice to talk without being cut off, you twat.”

  
“That’s such an ugly word,” Xavier lectures me as he shoots me a disapproving look, which I can’t help but roll my eyes at. “But really though, who’s Sushi?”

  
“He’s my friend,” is my reply with a shrug. “Met him a while ago at the park.”

  
“How come you’ve never introduced us?” Xavier asks as he gets up and grabs a handful of shirts and putting them in a pile to wash later.

  
“Never thought about it, I guess,” I say as I get up to help.

  
“Can you today? Are you walking him home too?”

  
“I think he’s gonna get one of his friends to walk him home.”

  
“Oh. Can we call him or something when he gets out of school?”

  
“Not to be rude or anything, but why do you wanna talk to him so badly?”

  
“I don’t know,” Xavier answers, but something tells me that there’s more to it. I don’t push him, though.

  
“But yeah, I guess I’ll introduce you guys today.”

  
Xavier smiles at me and we clean in silence afterwards.


	11. Chapter 11

After a couple hours of cleaning my room with help from Xavier, we decided we’d have another sleepover. So, we snuggled and watched the rest of Blue Exorcist, not speaking a word to each other until…

  
“Is it time to call Sushi now?”

  
I roll my eyes playfully at him as I reach over him to grab my phone from the night stand, quickly unlocking my phone and going to his contact and calling him on FaceTime. I pause the show and hand the phone to Xavier, who smiles at the camera when Sushi’s face appears on the small screen. Sushi raises an eyebrow at the unfamiliar face.

  
“Uh… No offense, but who are you and why do you have Oli’s phone?”

  
“I’m Oli’s dad and I wanted to meet you.”

  
I bite my lip to refrain from laughing at Sushi’s what-the-fuck expression.

  
“His dad..?”

  
“Yeah. Me and my wife adopted him.”

  
Sushi furrows his brow and squints at him, probably judging him, to be honest. Who knows.

  
“Okay.”

  
“Yeah.”

  
They sit in an awkward silence for a moment, until Sushi speaks up.

  
“Tell me about yourself, then?”

  
Xavier smiles brightly at him and tells of himself as I get up to grab my computer from underneath my bed and my headphones from the nightstand before getting back on the bed and snuggling into Xavier’s side.

  
I allow Xavier to fulfill his dream of talking to Sushi while I play spotify on a loud but not deafening volume, scrolling through Tumblr and reblogging things to my bullshit blog.

  
At least until Xavier pulls an earbud out of my ear, smiling at me apologetically when he realizes what he did and how annoying that is.

  
“Sushi might be my son,” Xavier chirps happily as he hands me my phone back, screen locked. “I’m gonna get approval from Tanner next time I talk to him.”

  
“Okay, Dad.”

  
“You know what? We should have a get together! Like, invite all our friends and we all hang out!” Xavier enthusiastically suggests, bouncing on his spot excitedly. “What about this weekend? So Sushi can come too?”

  
I can’t help but laugh at him a little. “If you weren’t straight, I’d accuse you of having a crush on him.”

  
“That would be incest, Oli, he might be my son,” Xavier jokes. “He wouldn’t really be my type anyways.”

  
“What  _is_  your type?”

  
“You, except I’m not into guys. I told you this, remember?”

  
“Oh,” is all I can dumbly say as I feel a blush heating my cheeks.

  
“Can we finish watching Blue Exorcist now?” Xavier asks after a moment of silence. I nod and put the computer and phone aside, grabbing the iPad again and quickly going back to the show.


	12. Chapter 12

>>>we’re skipping to the weekend c: <<<

  
It was decided that we would have our little “get together/meet and greet” at Xavier’s house since his parents are away- not like we’re going crazy or anything- and told everyone we invited to show up at like, two or something on Saturday. It’s 1:30 on Saturday right now, but me and Sushi and (oddly) Squishy are already at Xavier’s house because we’re his sons and Tanner is his wife.  
  


Squishy and Xavier are playing some weird zombie game on the Wii together while Sushi and Tanner were watching something on my iPad (since I’m super nice and trusting enough to let them use it), leaving me alone on the loveseat a few feet away from the four with my lyric journal to pass time. I flip through the pages of my book and review everything, feeling proud some, cringing at others, hastily flipping away from the song I worked on with Josh so hard I tear it a little.  
  


I keep going until I get to my most recent entry from a few weeks ago;  
  


_a cherry sunset blossoms_  
  
_but we’re not there to watch it fall_  
  
_on the vacant canvas, we should be waiting_  
  
_with our faces d_   
  


And it has a harsh line across it. I decide I’ll try to continue this one a bit and rip the page out, rewriting it all on the next sheet of paper, continuing the line I stopped on.  
  


_with our faces down on the grass_  
  
_staring ‘til our eyes give way_  
  
_let’s paint this city black_  
  
_while the night’s still young_   
  


_you_   
  


_this cherry sunset withers_  
  
_our words, as frail as paper_  
  
_a dawn i thought we’d never see_  
  
_alone on this silent beach_  
  
_there is nothing we can do_  
  
_there is nothing we can do_   
  


My mind goes blank after that, and someone drops down onto the loveseat next to me. I glance up and come face to face with none other than Josh Franceschi. He smiles and waves at me, but I can only stare at him back with wide eyes as my heart skips a beat.  
  


Did half an hour really pass that quickly?  
  


“Long time, no see, huh?” Josh asks, attempting small talk, I guess you could say.  
  


“U-uh, yeah,” I whisper, turning back to my journal as I feel my face get hot.  
  


“Still writing lyrics, then?” Josh asks, I nod. “Can I see?”  
  


I shrug and pass him my lyrics, watching from the corner of my eye as he enthusiastically reads over my most recent work. He praises it before flipping to the previous page, and I let him. No harm in letting him, right? It would probably be even more awkward if I stopped him, to be honest.  
  


Josh is a few pages back in my book when a pair of feet enter my vision. I glance up to find Xavier standing there, not looking too pleased to see Josh with me.  
  


“Oli, wanna turn at Overkill?” Xavier asks, waving a Wii remote at me. He’s trying to get me away from Josh…  
  


“Uh, sure,” I agree as I take the remote from my friend, following him to the couch where I sit next to Squishy. Xavier briefly shows me how to play before the level starts.  
  


<>  
  


Only a handful of people are here: me, Xavier, Tanner, Squishy, Sushi, Josh, and Rachelle. I would've thought more people would be here, but I'm definitely not complaining.  
  


Squishy and I are ending the game, and I'm honestly kinda devastated by the time the game ends. I'm surprised Xavier even allowed Squishy to play it, to be honest.  
  


We decide to put on tv shows afterwards. Xavier let Squishy pick the show, who turned on some sort of fashion competition with a bunch of teenage competitors. Xavier seemed really happy with his choice, though…  
  


“Project Runway Junior!” Xavier cheers, plopping down onto the couch between me and Squishy. Xavier turns to me with wide, happy eyes. “Have you seen this show?”  
  


I shake my head. “I’ve only heard of it.”  
  


“Really? I love this show so much!”  
  


“It’s not that good,” Tanner tells me as he sits on the couch at the other side of me.  
  


“No one asked for your two cents, Tanner!” Xavier shouts playfully at his ‘wife’. “Tell him, Squishy!”  
  


“No one asked for your two cents!” Squishy shouts with a cheeky smile, pointing a finger at Tanner.  
  


“Um, excuse me, you don’t talk to your mother that way!” Tanner scolds, playing along with the usual act while I sit awkwardly.  
  


“Well, his father told him to!”  
  


“Why did I ever marry you?!”  
  


Xavier fakes a gasp, grasping where his heart should be for dramatic effect. “Such cruelty! _I WANT A DIVORCE!!_ ”  
  


Oh, God, not this again…  
  


I glance around at the other people in the house sheepishly, who watched the scene unfold with dumbfoundedly.  
  


Me too, guys.


	13. Chapter 13

“I don’t like that Rachelle girl,” Xavier states randomly as we’re laying in my bed, watching the Lucas Brothers on my iPad in my room at three in the morning after the get together thing at Xavier’s house.  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“She’s not a good friend to you.”  
  
I furrow my brows at that, pausing the show to shoot a questioning look to Xavier, who only returns it with one of his serious looks.  
  
“What makes you say that?”  
  
“There’s something off about the way she treats you,” is Xavier’s poor reason. I can’t help but feel annoyed by that, but I don’t feel like arguing with anyone right now, so I just shrug at him and roll my eyes.  
  
“Kay.”  
  
“I’m just trying to look out for you.”  
  
“Kay.”  
  
I hear Xavier sigh as he rolls away from me, turning his back to me. “If you’re gonna be that way, then fine. I’ll leave you alone. Goodnight, son.”  
  
And with that, I go back to watching the cartoon on my iPad. But now that Xavier’s upset and not watching it with me, I’m not really feeling it anymore so I lock my screen and put the device off to the side so I can try to sleep too.  
  
I’m still wide awake after what feels like an hour, though. I feel guilty for treating Xavier the way I did. I know he doesn’t mean any harm and that he only means the best. He’s always been there for me, yet I had an attitude with him over something silly. I mean, Rachelle _can_ be a bit weird sometimes, so I can see where he’s coming from. I guess. But, he did pretty much accuse Rachelle of being a bad friend and didn’t give me a true example of why she is. But, I doubt he meant any harm. He’d never intentionally hurt me.  
  
Knowing that the only way I’d be able to find sleep tonight is to get rid of this overwhelming guilt, I roll over so that I’m facing Xavier. “Are you awake?”  
  
“Yup.”  
  
“Good, ‘cause like, I’m sorry for giving you an attitude. I know you’re just trying to look out for me.”  
  
“It’s okay, love you, son,” Xavier replies happily, and I smile a little.  
  
“Love you too, Dad,” I play along, as usual.  
  
“I can’t sleep without cuddles,” Xavier says as he rolls over to face me.  
  
“We can cuddle.”  
  
And with that, Xavier beams at me before shuffling closer, tossing an arm across my stomach and laying his head on my chest. I wrap my arms around him the best I can, hearing him hum in contentment.  
  
“I like being held.”  
  
“I know,” I whisper back as I close my eyes, finally finding sleep a moment later.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout out to my best friend bc this chapter wouldn't be here for you amazing people if he didn't help me out with this chapter :^)  
> i'm so happy so finally have something up for you guys, i'm sorry for taking so long :^(

<><><>a few days later yay<><><>  
  
I'm in the Dan Howell browsing position as I scroll through Tumblr while blasting Darke Complex as loud as I can. I'm having a pretty good time chilling alone in my room and listening to one of my faves, until I catch something moving out of the corner of my eye. I look towards it and see a big ass spider crawling up my night stand. I scowl as I pause my music and put my laptop aside, sitting up to grab a wad of paper from the nightstand, rolling it up.  
  
"Ya fucking nasty," I spit at the eight-legged monstrosity before smacking it with the roll.  
  
_But a thousand more tinier eight-legged monstrosities [scatter and run in all directions._  
  
I screech and drop the paper, only to scream even louder after realizing some of the tiny spiders are running up the paper as well, which landed on my bed as well. I jump up and dash out of the room, screaming out in panic, bursting into fucking tears.  
  
I nearly tripping as I run down the stairs, several at a time. I end up slamming into my mom when I turn the corner at the bottom. I would've fallen back on my ass if she didn't hastilly catch me last minute.  
  
"What's wrong, Oli?! Why are you crying?!"  
  
"WE GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, MOM!!" I cry out to her, forcing myself into her arms.  
  
"WHY?! WHAT'S GOING ON?!" she shouts at me, panicking too now.  
  
"THEY'RE IN MY ROOM!!"  
  
"WHO?! DO I NEED TO CALL THE POLICE?!"  
  
"CALL THE FUCKING SWAT!! THERE'S A THOUSAND TINY SPIDERS-"  
  
"WAIT!!" she shouts, more angrilly this time, cutting me off. "You scared the living _fuck_ out of me over some puny _fucking_ spiders?!"  
  
Well," I start sheepishly, feeling my face flush. "Like, I killed a big spider, and-and it exploded into many tiny ones!!"  
  
"Jesus, Oli!" she laughs. "I'll go get rid of them for you, okay?"  
  
"O-Okay..."  
  
She smiles at me and ruffles my hair before walking into the kitchen to retrieve bug spray, taking it upstairs.  
  
"Fuck my life," I mumble under my breath as my skin and scalp starts to itch, thinking about the encounter I just had with that fucktrocity. I start to ferociously scratch at the itches, just as my phone dings in my pocket, alerting me of a text. I grab my phone out of my pocket, humming out in surprise to find a text message from Josh. I swipe the message to the right and put my passcode in, instantly bringing myself to the message.  
  
**Josh: Hey wanna hang out at the mall or something? Kinda upset haha**  
  
I frown as I quickly type and send in a reply.  
  
**me: Uh yeah sure. Where we hanging out?**  
  
Josh: The mall. I'll pick you up, yeah?  
  
me: Sure  
  
Josh: Cool :D See you in a bit  
  
I lock my screen and shove my phone back into my pocket to put my shoes on my feet, which are placed right next to the front door. I'm already wearing gray joggers and my black hoodie, which seems suitable enough to wear in public. At least that's what I convinced myself so I wouldn't have to go join the battlefield with my mom just to look decent for _Josh_.  
  
Fuck, man, I'm about to hang out with Josh- should I just change anyways and hope the spiders haven't gotten to my closet yet? Maybe I can try to squeeze myself into a pair of Mom's jeans? Maybe I can-  
  
I flinch and let out a little yelp as someone bangs on the door behind me.  
  
I didn't even get a chance to fix my hair or at least put a fucking beanie on... was he already driving over when he texted me or something?? What the fuck??  
  
The best I can do is pat my hair down before opening the front door, revealing Josh Franceschi (an: jfc guys i wrote dun down for a second i am t r a s h) standing there, gazing dejectedly at his feet. He glances up at me when he hears the door open, raising an eyebrow at me.  
  
"You look great," Josh greets sarcastically, smiling teasingly at me.  
  
"You barely gave me any time to get ready!" I whine at him, but he only laughs at me and beckons to me. I call out to my mom, letting her know that I was heading out before following Josh to the car parked by the road.  
  
<>  
  
We didn't speak to each other during the short, awkward car ride to the mall. I was relieved when we finally parked, close to the entrance. We both get out and head into the mall, which was oddly busy and kinda crowded. I subconciously move closer to Josh, anxiously scanning everyone in the building. Josh doesn't seem to notice as we continue walking deeper into the store, and I start to regret agreeing to go with Josh.  
  
Why the fuck am I even here with _Josh Franceschi?_ Why am I still his friend? He fucking _used_ me to get Rachelle back-  
  
"Rachelle cheated on me, man," Josh sighs, cutting my mental rant off mid sentence. "I looked through her phone, she's been seeing that Sushi kid. Sent each other nudes and everything! His dick is way smaller than mine, so I don't even understand why she hopped on his."  
  
"Is his dick really smaller?"  
  
"...No."  
  
I can't help but laugh at him, earning a look of disapproval from him, which only fuels my laughter.  
  
"You're mean, Oli. I thought you were my friend."  
  
_Friend._  
  
My laughter ceases instantly and whatever smile I had dropped. I can't help but brood about how Josh left me for Rachelle, who ended up cheating on him only a few months later.  
  
Yeah, this boosted my sense of self worth significantly, and I'm definitely not looking to Josh with a painfully forced smile.  
  
"Why were you looking through her phone in the first place?"  
  
"We were hanging out and she wasn't paying attention to me because she was too busy texting someone else, so when she went to the bathroom I looked through her messages to see what was so important that she had to completely ignore me. Like shit, if you're gonna cheat on me, at least don't leave your phone unattended without a passcode."  
  
"It's okay. At least _I_ would use a passcode while cheating on you," I tease playfully, but he didn't seem too amused at all.  
  
"Wow. Thanks."  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
"You're an asshole. You didn't use to be an asshole."  
  
"I'm also a grown man and I didn't use to be a grown man."  
  
"Okay, Oli," Josh rolls his eyes, but a smile creeps onto his face. "What store do you wanna go to first?"  
  
"I don't know, Hot Topic?" I shrug like the indecisive fuck I am, but Josh seems happy with that suggestion.  
  
"Last one there pays for food!" Josh rushes out before dashing towards the store, and I'm pretty sure that's against the rules here??  
  
I push that thought to the back of my mind as I run after him- with great difficulty, may I add, but I'm a broke bum. My body screams out in protest and people shoot me hateful looks as they narrowly dodge us, but racing in the store with Josh reminds me of my childhood, and how me and Tom would do the very same as children. We would get beat with switches as soon as we got home, but it was worth the euphoria.  
  
Not really, getting smacked in the ass with a thin stick doesn't feel good at all.  
  
I manage to pass Josh, despite being unfit for such exercise, but before I can get far, a pair of arms wrap around my waist and haul me off my feet.  
  
"Josh, what the fuck?!" I squeal out as Josh spins around a couple times with me in his arms. "This is weird, put me down!"  
  
He complies, gently setting me down again, but not without shooting me a concerned look. I'm about to question him on this, but his gaze averts somewhere past me, smiling excitedly at whatever he sees. I turn to face whatever's distracting him.  
  
"Oli, we should get matching earrings!" Josh chirps, pointing at a piercing shop.  
  
"Uh..." I shake my head. "No."  
  
"Please, Oli? It would be so cool, and I've always wanted one!"  
  
"No one's stopping you from getting your ear pierced, Josh."  
  
"Yeah, but I wanna match with you! You'd look cute with it," Josh begs, him telling me that I'd look cute causing me to blush as I look away, biting down a smile.  
  
Of course it's enough to change my mind, and I let Josh lead me towards the shop triumphantly.  
  
<>  
  
"See, that wasn't so bad," Josh laughs as we exit the piercing shop. We both got helix piercings in our ears with matching earrings.  
  
"Yeah, it wasn't," I lie; my ears are still aching and burning, and I have to fight the urge to rub at it.  
  
"Hmm, we should get food next," Josh says, and my stomach churns, but I smile and agree anyways.  
  
"Where do you wanna eat?"  
  
"I don't know, I'm not really hungry. Stuffed my face at home."  
  
He gives me that same look he's already given me twice today, and I'm pretty sure he's catching on by now.  
  
Well, I haven't eaten anything at all today, I guess we could go to Tropical Smoothie? I'm not too familiar with it, but their smoothies won't have too many calories, if I'm lucky.  
  
I suggest going there, using the fact that the smoothies shouldn't contain animal products as an excuse, but it seems to work for him.  
  
"Yeah, let's go," he agrees, leading me there.  
  
<>  
  
"Thanks for hanging out with me today," Josh thanks me before shoving the rest of his wrap into his mouth like a _fucking animal_.  
  
"Uh... Yeah," I smile at him as I take another sip from my bomb ass smoothie. "Thanks for buying me this."  
  
"No problem," he tries to say, muffled by the food in his mouth, and Joshua James Alphonse Franceschi is fucking disgusting, and I can't believe I kissed that mouth once upon a time (and I'd do it again, too, but that's never happening again, so that bit of information is not important).  
  
"Take it slow, you heathen," I tease him, causing him to laugh- which causes him to choke on all the food lodged in his mouth.  
  
I take another sip from my smoothie.  
  
When he eventually recovers, he sends a glare my way. "I could've died, and you just sat there."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"S'alright, you sadist," he rolls his eyes sarcastically. "Wanna come over to my house and hang out for a bit?"  
  
"Alright."  
  
And with that, he throws his trash away, and I carry my smoothie out with him as we head towards the mall's exit.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's a bit of an angsty chapter. pretty much mentions of oli's ed, and brief mentions of self harm towards the end

<><><>josh’s pov bc it’s been a while<><><>  
  
“So, uh…” I start sheepishly as I twist the key in the lock, struggling to pull it out after it’s unlocked. I manage to get the key out after a moment of humiliation and push the door open. “My living room isn’t the cleanest at the moment.”  
  
Oli steps into the house, glancing around briefly, and I should really be ashamed of myself for inviting someone over to see my home in such condition. I had to babysit Vanessa yesterday for Elissa and Bradley, and to put it simply, I couldn’t tame the beast. Elissa and Bradley dropped her off at noon and didn’t pick her up until after fucking _midnight_ (like what the literal _fuck_ were these two doing for them to leave that heinous monstrosity here for twelve hours?), so I didn’t have any energy to clean up Vanessa’s shit after she left and fell asleep where I was on the couch. I woke up today to Rachelle knocking on the door, since we were supposed to be hanging out at that time. I’m sure you know what ends up happening not long after. Rip.  
  
Oli shrugs at the mess apathetically and sits down on the couch as I lock the door behind us, sitting next to him on the couch.  
  
“My bedroom gets worse,” Oli eventually says, staring blankly at the tv a few feet away from us, which was left on all day after I left. “What is this?”  
  
“Uh, I don’t know,” is my response as I watch people make comments as they explore some tiny ass house. “This is some bullshit Rachelle put on when she came over.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
“Yeah…” I trail off awkwardly. “Well, wanna watch whatever this is, or find a horror movie?”  
  
“Uh, I don’t care, you pick,” he says, averting his gaze to his lap. I shrug and grab the remote from the coffee table between us and the tv and press the apps button and going to Netflix, and to the horror section.  
  
<>  
  
We’re well into the movie I put on, and it has me on the edge of my seat, and the bean next to me looks as if he’s gonna burst into tears as he grips onto my arm as if his life depended on it, as cliche as it sounds.  
  
I’m not gonna say what happened, but some freaky shit happens, and it’s the freakiest shit I have ever seen, and Oli shrieks and leaps onto my lap, just like he used to when we would watch horror movies together.  
  
Except he was never _this_ light when he would.  
  
Before I can stop myself, I pause the movie at a not so flattering scene and guiding Oli off my lap so I can face him better.  
  
“I, uh, think we need to talk about something,” I say, tone firm and serious. Oli noticeably tenses at that and averts his gaze back to his lap once again, twiddling with his own hands. He hums quietly, giving me the cue to begin saying what I need to say.  
  
“Well, first, back during Xavier’s little house party, you ate pretty much nothing, and all you were willing to eat today was a smoothie, and I noticed how different you felt when I lifted you earlier and when you jumped onto my lap, and you don’t even _look_ the same, so like… it’s safe to say that there’s something wrong.”  
  
But Oli only shakes his head and says, “Nothing’s wrong, everything’s fine.”  
  
“And my hair is green- that’s bullshit, Oli.”  
  
He twitches and his hands move to wring around the hem of his hoodie, and there’s a pang of guilt knowing that what I said to him was maybe a bit harsh.  
  
“I’m okay.”  
  
“There’s nothing okay about an eating disorder, Oli-”  
  
“I don’t see why you’re complaining,” Oli interrupts firmly, irritation and pain simultaneously laced in his tone as he speaks, and it catches me off guard for a moment.  
  
And then his words hit me, and I’m overwhelmed with hurt and confusion.  
  
“W-what? Dude, you’re suddenly so small-”  
  
“And you’re _fucking_ upset about it!” Oli cries out all of a sudden, snapping his head up to finally look at me. His face is flushing red and contorting from the emotions that must be overwhelming him right now, tears welling up in his eyes, and he looks as if he’s about to lose it. “First I-I’m too fucking big, now I’m too fucking small, and- what the fuck am I supposed to do, Josh?! Why is it so fucking hard to please you?!”  
  
All I do is gape at him as his outburst hits me like a punch to the face, leaving me momentarily speechless. He gawks back at me in shock for a moment before he bursts into tears, burying his head in his hands as he weeps, “I don’t understand,” and he sounds so pained, and I’m so confused, and my chest aches as I scoot closer to him and pull him into a hug that doesn’t get returned. He only continues to weep the same thing over and over dejectedly, and the atmosphere of the room seems so frigid now.  
  
“Oli? Is this over our breakup?” I ask as realization starts to finally sink in.  
  
“I-I heard that you only liked skinny people, and Rachelle said that you wouldn’t even consider me again i-if I wasn’t skinny the next time you guys broke up. She t-told me how she got so skinny and suggested I did the same.”  
  
And I’m so overwhelmed now with so many emotions. Grief and anger stand out the most against all other emotions right now, and I just can’t believe those words just came out of his mouth. I can’t fucking believe Rachelle was cruel enough to even consider telling Oli these things and encouraged him to fucking ruin himself the way he did. I can’t fucking believe I actually left Oli for her. I’ve made such a huge mistake. I fucked everything up so bad.  
  
“Oli, we’ll… We’ll work this out, okay?”  
  
Oli shakes his head, “Please take me home.”  
  
<><><>  
  
<><><>also we’re back to oli’s pov<><><>  
  
I don’t register Mom’s warm greeting as I head upstairs and into my room, habitually locking the door after me. I’m too distracted and overwhelmed and I’m itching for that temporary release I haven’t felt in so long. My hands are shaky and my skin is tingly, but Xavier made me flush them all when he found them. He managed to find all my best hiding places and made me get rid of them all.  
  
And then my phone dings, shocking me out of my stupor enough for me to fish it out of my pocket.  
  
I’m not exactly sure who it is because the username is O==3 and for a moment I think it just looks like a chicken leg, but then I realize that it’s Alex, because Alex always changes his Kik name to something weird (Jack does too, but his username has been jagk for the longest time versus Alex changing his username twentyfour seven).  
  
**O==3: Hey Oli! Finally got some time to sit down and talk**  
  
**me: Hey, nice chicken leg**  
  
**O==3: Chicken leg?**  
  
**O==3: That’s supposed to be a dick, dude**  
  
**me: But it looks like a chicken leg**  
  
**O==3: It was 8==D before but you told me it looked like a fish bone >:(**  
  
**me: Sorry, so how’s college?**  
  
**O==3: Difficult. How’s bumming?**  
  
**me: I should get a job so everyone stops calling me a bum**  
  
**O==3: You know I love ya**  
  
**me: Yeah. Meet any cool friends?**  
  
**O==3: No. Anxiety is not on my side. I’d rather meet a coffee pot anyways**  
  
**me: You could always get to know and amazing coffee pot**  
  
**O==3: I’ll marry it and we shall have cappuccino babies**  
  
**me: And I’ll be at the wedding and baby showers?**  
  
**O==3: You will be my best man and shall also be the godfather**  
  
**me: I’m honored**  
  
**O==3: Hopefully my bride won’t be a whore**  
  
**me: And no one chimes in with a “haven’t you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door**  
  
**O==3: Maybe she’ll just be nasty**  
  
**O==3: And run out the back door**  
  
**O==3: God damn I love her anyway**  
  
**me: References for days**  
  
**O==3: Maybe she’ll remember me for centuries**  
  
**O==3: Or just say thnks fr th mmrs. And move on**  
  
**me: Omg**  
  
**O==3: So I’ll say so long and goodnight as we look at each other one last time. I’ll say “I’ll have the ghost of you in my mind but right now honey, this mirror isn’t big enough for the two of us. After what you’ve done, I’m not okay. So, thank you for the venom. Mama was right. Summertime love**  
  
**O==3: Jack is an asshole and didn’t let me finish typing and just hit send out of nowhere >:(**  
  
**me: I still appreciate this in all it’s emo trinity glory**  
  
**O==3: Jack just reminded me about our essay due so I guess I’m not as free as I thought… Sorry Oli**  
  
**me: It’s okay, it was great talking to you again**  
  
**O==3: Take care of yourself and I’ll talk to you again when I can. Bye Oli :)**  
  
**me: Bye chicken leg :)**  
  
And now my mind’s at peace, if even just for a little while. Alex has always been able to sooth me without even really knowing I needed it or trying, and I’m so glad that he happened to text me when he did…  
  
Despite it still being kinda early, I change into something more comfortable and crawl into bed. I’m still drained from today’s events and sleep sounds really good about now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout out to my best friend who helped me with this chapter <3 most of alex's and oli's conversation was an actual conversation between me and said friend, who suggested i add it to lighten the mood of the angsty chapter

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr:  
> oohyaychicken.tumblr.com  
> :) <3


End file.
